FIRST-TRUMP#top..........Sound the alarm in Zion..... ...........................


. A Priest sounds the alarm on a shofar




Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you  (Matt 25:34)

"What's that book you're reading Mabel? And why are you sweating? It's cool in here. Why don't you turn up the heat a little?"

"It's comfortable to me Sally. I'm sweating because of this book. It's kind of scarey."

"I thought you were going to quit reading those horror books. You know they only keep you awake. Last time...."

"No, no Sally. It's not one of those. This is a true book. I mean, it's not true, but its about true things. Do you know what I mean?"

"Not a bit. Why don't we go see a doctor and have your head examined. You can visit my doctor. He'll take care of that...."

"I don't need a doctor. I mean this book is about something that hasn't happened yet, but it will. How do you feel about the rapture of the church Sally? Do you think the church will be taken invisibly or like they show in pictures, with wings and things like that?"

"Is that what you've been reading about? Why do you worry about being taken. You're baptized aren't you? Then if you are, then God's got to take you. It's part of the deal He made with us."

"I know all that Sally, but still.... I mean, what if they're wrong and I'm not good enough to be taken? Then what will I do? I don't want to be persecuted and have my head cut off. I don't think I could resist the mark of the beast because I need to eat. And if we can't buy anything....."

"Listen Mabel, don't worry about it. You won't be here. You've done your part, you've been baptized and you go to church on Sunday. What else can God possibly expect from us? He's got to take you. And if you're not so sure, then do something at the church, like maybe sing in the choir or teach a Sunday School class."

"I can't sing, and I don't know anything about the Bible to be a teacher. Maybe I could make some donuts for the pastor or something."

"What's to know about the Bible to teach it? Read the crib notes or a doctrine book and teach out of that. Or even that little magazine they send out, you can teach your class from that. If you teach the little kids you're bound to know more than they do. Besides, your donuts would kill your pastor, and that's a sure way to miss the rapture."

"They're not that bad. But maybe you're right about teaching the kids. I'll look into it. But what about the question I asked? Do you think we'll have wings?"

"In all the pictures I've seen they had wings. But in a movie I once saw everyone just disappeared and their clothes fell to the ground. That must have been scarey, having your clothes fall off suddenly and be yanked up to a cloud."

"Do you think it's going to happen that way? They say to be sure to always wear clean underwear, maybe that's why."

"Maybe. Hey, Mabel, what do you think about those other people? Do you think they'll be raptured with us?"

"What other people? You mean like the Hindus and things like that?"

"No, I was thinking of those others. You know, like the Baptists and other people who haven't had the Holy Ghost and speak in tongues. People like that. Do you think they'll be taken?"

"Now wait a minute Sally. I don't talk in tongues. And you said I'll make it."

"Yeah, but you're baptized. I don't think Baptists are, at least not in the right way. Well then, what about those other people like the Jehovah's Witnesses. Do you think they'll be there? I don't see how they can be since they don't believe in the right Jesus like we do. And there's some other things they don't believe either, but I can't remember what they are."

"Me nether, but I don't think they'll make it. Wait a minute Sally, I think I see something. Yeah. It's a bright light. Let me check this out. Sally? Sally? What's happening? You're floating!"

"It's happening Mabel, the rapture, it's happening!"

"Wait! What about me? I'm supposed to go. Why aren't I floating too?"

"I don't know. Take my hand Mabel. That way you'll have to be taken too."

"Sally? It's too late. I can't reach you. Wait a minute. This isn't fair. I'm supposed to go too. Salllyyyyy!!"

"Bill, George, you're here too? Where are we going? We're floating like everyone else, but where are we being taken? Are we going to that cloud?"

"I don't think so Sally. I think there's a space ship behind a cloud and that's where we're going. Yeah, I'm sure of it. It's a space ship."

"No George, that's a fairy tale. We're going to live on a big cloud. I saw it in a movie. God is on a cloud and He's going to keep us with Him."

"That's crazy talk Bill. How can all of us fit on a cloud? Besides, what would we eat? You can't grow corn on a cloud. Heaven's got to be another planet or something. You'll see. Like everything else your church teaches, you've got it all screwed up. You ought to have come to my church where we have it right."

"Do I see what I think I see you guys? Is that Ted heading for that little cloud? How can he be up here? He's Episcopalian, and we all know how they are. God can't possibly take Him to His Heaven. There's got to be a mistake here."

"That's nothing Sally, look over there, no, to your right. I think I see Roger, and he's a Catholic. Something's very wrong here."

"I'm sure God will straighten it all out when we get to the Pearly Gates. They won't get past Saint Peter or whoever they got watching the door. I'm sure of that."

"Oh no! I can't believe this. It's Kathy, and she's a Jehovah's Witness. I had to chase her away from my door a couple of times. I told her if she didn't change her ways and come to our church she'd go straight to H.E. double hocky sticks. And here she is, floating around with us saints just as if she was normal or something."

"Where's Marian? I don't see Marian, my sister. She's got to be here. She's been baptized and goes to the right church, so she's got to be here somewhere."

"Maybe she's in a second call or something. Besides, there's a lot of people up here. Maybe she's already on a cloud."

"Or in the space ship. Yeah, that's it, she's already been taken on board."

"It's not a space ship George. I have to keep on telling you that."

"There's the gang, Marsha and Joe and the guys. Hey! Over here! You're going the wrong way. It's this cloud that takes us to Heaven. That one's going the wrong way!!"

"There's so many clouds and people up here going every which way. Look at all those going south. Don't they know that Heaven is East like they taught us in church? Imagine, people going to all that trouble to be baptized, going to church every week, getting caught up like this, then being rejected because they didn't go to the right church and learn the right doctrines. I feel sorry for them. I really do."

"They didn't listen. They never listen. I tried to convert them to my church, but you know how they are, they never listen."

"Your church. Your church is barely any better than the Mormons. I tried to get you to come to the right one, but would you listen? Oh no. You had to have it your way. And look at you now."

"I'm with you stupid. So what are you talking about?"

"Oh, yeah. But still."

"Will you two shut up? I hear an angel saying something. Oh, darn, now we missed it. I hope it wasn't important."

"It was probably just..... ah oh, what's happening? We've stopped. And we haven't gotten to our cloud yet. Did we run out of gas or something?"

"We don't need gas up here stupid. But something's happening. I can feel it."

"Me too. We're going back down. Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong. I can feel it in my bones."

"Me too. I sure wish I heard what that angel said. Hey!! You forgot us! Wait!!"

"It's no use. They're going up and we're going down. Maybe we ran out of gas like you said. What'll we do now?"

"I don't know, but I hope we don't hit the ground hard. I have brittle bones you know."

"I just hope we don't go any farther than the ground. That's what I hope."

"You mean that other place? That couldn't happen.... Could it? I mean, I've been a nice person. I didn't steal or anything like that. So why would I have to go to... that other place?"

"Me too neither. Something's wrong though. I can feel it in my bones."

"The other place? I didn't think of that. But what do you think is happening? What did we do wrong?"

"I don't know. But I sure wish I knew what I did wrong, and what's going to happen to us."

1Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? (Mat 7:)

43Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: (Mat 5:)

14I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. (Luke 18:)

3For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? 4For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? (1Cor 3:)

34O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. 35A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. 36But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 37For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. (Mat 12:)

19Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: 20For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. 21Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. 22But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. (James 1:)

[Author's note:

This piece began as a simple story poking fun at the concept of the rapture as it's so popularly portrayed. But as so often happens, the story failed to capture what I had intended it to depict, but instead it presented another problem with the churches.

The Christian life is not one of condemnation or egotism. It's a life of servitude to those we wish to look down on. Instead of pointing the finger at those we feel are going the wrong direction, we should be lifting a hand to them and demonstrating what real Christianity is all about. Isn't this what Jesus would do? Then how can we expect Jesus to accept any less in us?]




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