Mort 'n Elmer

The Just Talkin' Show


True appreciation is better than empty praise.

"Hello folks. You're tuned in to the Just Talking show where we tells you like it is and not what you wants to hear. Today we're going to talk about... Uh, just what are we going to talk about Elmer?"

"I don't know Mort. Let's just start out and see where we ends up."

"And a fine howdy-do all you fine folks out there in radio land. Glad ta' have ya' aboard t'day. And first, let's see what we got f'r the weather. Elmer, go take a look-see out the window an' tell me what you sees."

"Shore 'nuff Mort. I sees lots a pretty sky, and I think I sees a handful a cloud way off yonder. Can't tell the di-rection it's a goin' though."

"Folks, my weather experts done told me the weather's sure ta' be sunny an' nice, lest it rains. My ad-vise is if you is plannin' on a pickanick you takes plenty a sunburn lotion an' a umbrella."

"Mort, you all'as says the same thing f'r the weather. Don't it ever get tiresome?"

"I ain't never been wrong yet has I Elmer? You gots ta' give me that."

"Well, yeah, 'xcept that day we got snow in July. Course nobody got that day right."

"I s'spect so. But that day don't count nohow. I was gonna ask you Elmer, remember that hand saw I gived you a ways back? I never did hear how you liked the thing. What you think of it?"

"Oh yeah, the hand saw. I was gonna' tell you Mort that maybe you oughta' take it back. I don't use it nohow."

"You don't use the saw Elmer? But that's the onlyest saw you has. How does you cut wood if you don't use the saw?"

"I don't cut no wood Mort. My woman does all the wood cuttin' That an' the plowing an' the millin' is woman's work, you knows that."

"O' course, what was I a thinkin' of. But you don't like the saw you says. What about the saw is it you don't like Elmer? That's a mighty fine saw I'm a thinkin'."

"It's ok I s'spect Mort. But the saw I used to had was different. The handle fit my hand a tad better. The one you gived me just don't fit me like the one I used to had. You know how it is."

"Elmer, don't you know you don't look no gift horse in the mouth? A gift is a gift. You don't go countin' teeth."

"You didn't give me no horse Mort. It was a saw you gived me. An' I never went an' counted no teeth on the saw neither."

"I don't mean that kind a teeth Elmer, I mean you don't look down your nose at what has been gived you."

"I didn't look down my nose at it neither Mort. I looked it straight on through my glasses. I just don't know what's gotten in to you today Mort. You is talking real strange. Maybe it's the weather what's got you corn-fused."

"Must be Elmer, must be. Well, back to our show. What we gonna talk about? We gotta' keep our listeners entertained you know."

"I don't s'spect we got no listeners 'xcept the widder Abernathy, an' she don't hear no good even with her ear horn. All she cares about nohow is the weather, an' you tells her that from the get-go."

"Probable so Elmer. Anyhow, we has run outa' time an' so this is as good a time ta' close as any. Hope you folks got more outa' this show than Elmer here did. So till next week, remember ta' change y'r socks ever' week or they'll chase off the mice."

20Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; (Eph 5:)

5Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. (Heb 13:)


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