Mort 'n Elmer

The Just Talkin' Show


A man's worth is measured by his words.

"Hello folks. You're tuned in to the Just Talking show where we tells you like it is and not what you wants to hear. Today we're going to talk about... Uh, just what are we going to talk about Elmer?"

"I don't know Mort. Let's just start out and see where we ends up."

"Elmer, today we's gonna' talk about somethin' different. We's gonna' talk about integridy."

"Inte..., inter-idy? What's a inter-ridy Mort?"

"Integridy ain't a what Elmer, It's somethin a fella is or he ain't. Kinda' like honest, only different."

"Oh, that iner-rigidy. I guess the cause a' my not knowin' what you said is because you said it wrong. I gets it now. So what is we gonna say about somethin' niether a' us knows a sliver about? I mean, we got no call to be honorable 'cause we both does what we say we is gonna' do. Ain't no integ-ridy in that."

"No Elmer, you has it backwards like usual. When you does what you say you is gonna do, you has got integridy. If you doesn't do what you says to do you ain't got no integridy. Do you get my drift?"

"Don't exactly know Mort. Maybe if you draws me a pitcher a what you is talkin' about. Gimme' a 'xample kinda' like."

"I'll do you one-up better Elmer. I got a guest f'r us who is gonna' show we'uns first hand what I is talkin' about. Folks, I'd likes ya' ta' meet our ol' friend, Randle Bagel."

"You don't have ta' tell me who Randle is Mort. I knowed him f'r a long time. Hi Randle."

"I were't introducin' Randle to you Elmer. I was tellin' the folks out there listenin' in on they's radio who Randle is."

"Oh. Hi Randle."

"Howdy Elmer. Mighty fine to be here with you. What you want to talk to me about Mort? Nothin' serious I'm supposin'"

"Nope, nothin' particular important. We's just gonna talk about integridy is all. You has got integridy hasn't you?"

"What's that Mort?"

"Integridy, you know, like bein' honorable kinda' like..Like a feller's word is his bond. You know what honesty is don't you Randle?"

"What's that Mort?

"Um, well let me give you a' 'xample like. Does you remember you needed to borry my plow real bad to get your harvest in before the rain? An' me an' Elmer take'd the day off an' helped you bring in your crop?"

"Yup, I remember. What of it?"

"Well, you told Elmer an' me if we ever needed anything to give a holler an' you'd be right there to help. Does you recall sayin' that to us?"

"Yup, kinda' I do. What of it?"

"Well, Elmer's mother-in-law is coming in on the train tommory night and we needs someone to pick her up at the station. We thought maybe."

"You ain't gonna' ask me to drive all the way into Peckinpaw just to pick up a' old woman are you Mort? That's five miles and you know, and I don't like ta' drive at night."

"Now wait a minute Randle, we is dependin' on you keepin' y'r word. Is you goinna back out on us when we is needin' you the mostest?"

"Things has changed Mort. You know how it is. It ain't like I needs anything from you now, so all deals has gone south, if you know what I mean."

"Now wait a minute Randle, deals ain't something we keep because we feels like it. Deals is somethin' we keeps when we don't feel like it. Elmer an' me didn't feel like spendin' all our days out there in the hot sun bringin' in your sheaves, but we done it anyway because you needed us."

"That was then Mort. You has to understand, things is changed. I got my seed in the barn. I don't need nothin' now."

"Maybe not Randle, but Elmer here does. An you made a deal."

"Did we sign no contract on it Mort?"

"Course not Randle. Out here a man's word is his bond, 'sides that, we done shaked hands on it."

"Anybody see us shake on it Mort? Did you see Mort an' me shake on it Elmer?"

"Nope, I was fillin' the tank a' my tractor with gas to do your biddin'."

"There ya' go Mort. The deal is a no-go. Is they anything else you wants to discuss with me? If not, then I'll be gettin' back to my TV show."

"Nope, that's it Randle. Well folks, you has just see'd a perfect picture a' what inegridy ain't. ....."

"Ooops. Hey guys. It's startin' to rain and my crops still in the field. Could you guys kinda help me out a little? I promise I'll...."

"We know your promises Randle. That be it for this week's show. So til next week at this time, this is Elmer an' me signin' off, and you-all have yerself a nice day, hear."

7The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him. (Prov 20:)

3The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them. (Prov 3:)

3And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause. (Job 2:)

34O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. 35A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. 36But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 37For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. (Mat 12:)

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