The Commodiane is a humorous attempt to create a whimsical musical instrument that would bring laughs, and at the same time be a functioning musical instrument. The Commodiane was suggested by a lady who attends the same church as myself. This example of an instrument made from a toilet seat is quite a bit different than any I've seen on the web, and far different than what the lady mentioned here had in mind.
    Being the extremist that I am, I wasn't content to make the instrument and leave it at that, I also created a brochure with music (simulated) and instructions as if it was a devise actually intended to be marketed. I hope you enjoy seeing it as much as I did making it. And it just might give those of you who share my warped bent leading astray of humor an idea or two of your own.

box closed

      I wanted to make a box that was inexpensive, and at the same time had a bit of a flare and fashion. The name of the Rockabilly band title HEMY AND THE HEMORRHOIDS is of course fictional, but the name seemed to me appropriate for the instrument being constructed.

    The fittings, nails, screws and other hardware are made of brass, giving the case class and an air (pardon the pun) of sophistication.

box lid open(Photos courtesy HERMY AND THE HEMORRHOIDS)

    The toilet seat is one I purchased from a local housing recycle store for $4. Although is was clean, I discovered that it had a very strong and "distinked" aroma of having been previously used. I scrubbed the appliance with strong liquid soap and sprayed it with a disinfectant, but the aroma, like the song, lingers on to this day. If the instrument is allowed to remain in a room for long, it will definitely draw attention to itself.
    The strings are some used ones from a guitar, and the pegs are dulcimer pegs I have in abundance. They're cheap and easy to install.
    I had to reinforce the areas under the pegs to handle the force of the wire strings. The instrument will indeed tune to an open chord, but it doesn't remain in tune for long. I haven't really given it a chance to prove itself, so over time it may do so.
    Surprisingly, this little piece of pleasure has a very nice tone. Perhaps some backwoods band might enjoy having such an instrument in their ensemble.


     A closer view of the closed lid. I left the lid closed for your nose's sake. Can you smell the aroma?

Commodiane, the musical instrument with a distinktive aroma
    A view of the sign posted on the bottom of the lid (open).  

Please close lid when done
    The sign posted at the back of toilet seat.



Outhouse specialists


Since 1492

The above is a sign posted on the top of the closed lid.

On the right inside panel of the open case I have the following posted.

Special instructions and warnings

COMMODIANE IS NOT A TOY: Use caution when children are in the vicinity. Do not allow children to lick the strings as their tongue may become lodged between the strings (we have received reports of this occurrence).

IF YOU PLAY BY EAR: Be sure to remove your earrings (if you play by nose, remove your nose rings).

AVOID SUFFOCATION: Do not place Commodiane over your head.

Songs and tunes that are not up to your standards my be flushed from the collection. Make sure you're through with the song however as once it is flushed, it is unretrievable.

This instrument is capable of multi techniques. It may be strummed, plucked, or used with a slide of your choice. Tuning is accomplished with a special dulcimer tuning device. Avoid using pliers or other damaging devices.

Songs included in this collection

1. Don't Sit Over the Septic Tank With Anyone Else But Me.

2. Grandpa's Two Holer.

3. Pass Me The Lye Ma, Uncle Jack's Been At The Beans Again.

4. Dig, Dig, Digging A Hole For The New John.

5. Remembering The Days Sears and Roebuck Made Toilet Paper (A well beloved classic).

All song sheets printed on 100% recycled toilet paper.

Please recycle.

Additional collections and tunes can be purchased from the Commodiane address printed at the end of this brochure.

On the inside of the toilet lid this famous song is taped for easy reading.

Lyrics for the classic song Outhouse Blues

Who tipped over the latrine? father demanded with belt in hand.

Father, I cannot tell a lie, it was I, replied the boy with lowered head.

Then it's to the woodshed we go my son, where life's lessons are taught.

But father, George Washington was not punished when he confessed for having cut down the cherry tree.

True my son, but his father wasn't in the tree when the tree was cut.

End of roll


Above the song on the same sheet of paper I have this printed.

outhouse blues

And as a wrapper for the toilet paper roll I printed this.

Toilet paper cover.jpg


Box 1, Route 1 Dunghill Junction

Breakingwind, Tennessee

zip 00001.0000

phone PU-1492

On my brochure I added the following.

(Rank humor at it's lowest ebb, not to be taken seriously)

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Of course you know this is all in fun. I have nothing to sell, nor do I intend to make another Commodiane. One commode is enough for anyone.