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Life with the Philistines

PLAYING CHURCH

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child.


Hello all you folks out there in radio land. This is your announcer Herald Promulgate bringing you another adventure of Life with the Philistines, that normal family everybody loves to imitate. Let's look in on the Philistines and see what they're up to today, shall we?

In today's episode we find Mrs Philistine babysitting for her neighbor:

"Where are the twins you were babysitting Marge? Did Mrs Smith come pick them up already?"

"No George, they're in the bedroom playing. Don't worry about them, I have them in that big crib we had stored away. They'll be ok."


"Tommy, did you mess your diaper? Something smells."

"I'll check Timmy. Nope, not me. Must be you."

"Let me see. Yep, it's me."

"Yuk. Ok, let's play church."

"Ok, you were the preacher last time, so now it's my turn. Ok, everybody pray. Who do we pray for now Tommy? We prayed for mommy and daddy last time. Now who?"

"Let's pray for Billy so he'll stop picking on me. I hate him, and we're supposed to pray for people we hate."

"Ok Tommy. Dear ... what do we call Him? Oh yeah, God. Dear God, bless....."

"Not that way Tommy, you're supposed to put your hands together and look at the floor, like this. See?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Ok, prayer time over. How about those announcy things, I mean announcements, you know, like who's not sleeping when it's nap time and that kind of stuff? Tommy, do you got anybody to tell on?"

"Just Billy. I hate him. I'll tell on him. He's mean."

"Ok, now it's talking funny time. Tommy, it's your turn to talk funny. Go on, talk funny."

"Ok preacher Timmy. Jabber, jabber, blah, blah, blah. Now you tell me what I said."

"You said Timmy is a good preacher. Now it's rolling time. Tommy, you roll first. No, not like that, you lay on the floor and stick your legs up and go like this. I'll show you. See? Ok, rolling time's over, now I say, if anybody who wants a ghost come up and I'll put my hands on your head. Tommy, you need the ghost, so you come here and I'll put my hands on your head. There, now you got a ghost. Now everybody go home. You're all saved now."

"Children, you're so quiet. Is everything ok in here? You're behaving yourself aren't you?"

"Yes Mrs Philistine, we're being good. We're playing church like you grown ups do. I just saved Tommy."

"Very good. You're learning early. God must be very proud of you. If you need anything, just call me. I'm in the next room."

"Mrs Philistine?"

"Yes Tommy? Is there something wrong?"

"No Mrs Philistine, it's just that preacher Timmy messed his diaper again, and he stinks. He's saved, but he stinks something awful."



11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (1Cor 13:)

12For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. 13For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. 14But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Heb 5:)

1Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God, 2Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. 3And this will we do, if God permit. (Heb 6:)


 

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