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Doctrine in dialogue format



Mort 'n Elmer

The Just Talkin' Show


A lawyer and your money are soon parted.

"Hello folks. You're tuned in to the Just Talking show where we tells you like it is and not what you wants to hear. Today we're going to talk about... Uh, just what are we going to talk about Elmer?"

"I don't know Mort. Let's just start out and see where we ends up."

"Folks, today we got with us a feller who really knows his Bible. He's theologicator Maxwell J. Canon from the big city. Thanks a whole bunch...."

"That's theologian mr Longshanks."

"Theologian you say? Oh. I takes back what I done said, this is Theologian Canon from...."

"No mr Longshanks. Theologian is what I am, it's not my name."

"Oh. This is.... What's that again mister?"

"Just call me Max, mr Longshanks. That will suffice."

"You c'n just call Mort here Mortecai cause that's his name, but it ain't what he does."

"Elmer, I told you ta' never tell nobody what my name is. Now you done and told ever'body in town. Can't you keep nothin' to y'erself?"

"How'd I tell ever'body Mort? I only told mr Max here is all. I didn't tell nobody else I know of."

"We're on the radio dummy. Ever'body can hear us, so now ever'body knows what I don't wanst them ta' know."

"Not ever'body Mort. I knows that f'r sure."

"How can you know such a thing for sure?"

" 'Cause my woman's out a town an' can't hear no radio, that's how I knows."

"Anyways, back to you mr Max. You knows your Bible, so I 'spect you're a preacher man then, is I correct?"

"No Mort, I don't preach. I just study the Bible. Other people preach. A theologian and a minister are two different positions in the church that support one another."

"Ya' don't say so. Well then, what does you do as a thealogican? You study, but you don't do nothin' with what you learn? What do you study for then?"

"I research the Bible to learn what it's really saying Mort. We theologians work to discover the rationale behind certain things written in the Bible, and we develop defenses for the Gospel. Then we inform the pastors of our discoveries, and it's their responsibility to teach these truths to their congregation."

"Ya' don't say so. You're a lawyer then I takes it. Kinda like them Scribler fellers in the Bible that Jesus talked about all the time? An' you has to defend the preachers that teach what you tells them they outa' teach. Strange job you got there mr Max."

"No Mort, I'm not a Scribe, nor am I a lawyer. You see...."

"Sure sounds like you is a lawyer. You defends folks an' you looks for things what is hidden. Ain't that what lawyers do? I thought that's what they do."

"No Mort, you see...."

"Well anyways mr Max, we has a question or two we wants to toss your way since you is so knowing of the Bible. What me an' Elmer here wants to know is how a feller, like us for instance, can be knowing for sure we is headed for the Pearly Gates an' not that other place we don't speaks the name of out loud? Can you tell us that?"

"I believe I can. Have the two of you been baptized? By that I mean, have you been immersed and have you read the sinner's prayer? And was the Trinity evoked at your baptism?"

"Come by that again? Was we what? We was dunked in water an' we said some words after the preacher fella read 'm from a slip a paper, and some words was spoke over us when we was wet. I don't know nothin' about no 'mersion or that other thing you talked about. He just said some words, and said something about a father an' a ghost. Don't know nothin' beyond that."

"Well Mort, Elmer, you can rest assured that you are indeed saved and under the blood."

"We can rest where? An' we can do what with blood? Run that by again will ya' mister?"

"That's ok Mort. You are indeed saved. You don't have to worry about that other place. At your baptism you received the Holy Ghost which makes you a full member of the body of Christ. You are one of the Lord's flock."

"That's a mouth full you done said there mr Max. I didn't catch none of it 'xept maybe that Elmer here and me is ok with the Pearly Gates."

"Yes, Mort, that's all you have to know. You're ok with the Pearly Gates."

"Well, that's good ta' know an' all, but what about if Elmer here gets a hankering ta' do what the Good Book tells us we ain't ta' do? Does that mean he'll lose that there saving ticket to up yonder?"

"Not at all Mort. There's nothing you can do to become unsaved once you're saved. God can no longer see sins that are committed by you because all He sees is the sacrifice Jesus made so that you can be assured of Heaven. This is God's love for you. Fear not, you are fully covered no matter what you do."

"Ya' don't mean to tell me. Well I'll be switched. Ya' mean it's kinda like if I was ta' speed my car past a policeman fella, he can't see me 'cause I has been in the pool a time back?"

"That's a unique way of expressing it, but yes, I would say it's very much like the picture you just painted."

"You is an artist Mort? You never told me you paints. When did you take up picture makin'? You got ta' show me some a' y'r pictures some day."

"I don't draw no pictures Elmer, that's not...."

"Mr Max done said you drawed a picture. I heared him."

"Anyway, back ta' what we was sayin'. The other day a woman comed by an' she told us that they's some signs we got ta' show if we is ta' know we is saved. She gived us this paper with some Bible on it. Here it is. What does you make of this mr Max?"

"Let me see what you have here. Oh yes, I'm familiar with this passage. It's Galatians 5:22 where the fruits of the Spirit are enumerated. It says: 'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.'"

"Run that by me again? You say what about fruit? An' what's this about a spirit?" Are we talkin' about the same Bible mister?"

"Of course we are Mort. These are signs that you are a believer. They're the product of the Holy Ghost that you received at your baptism."

"Ghost? Did you get a ghost when you was dunked Elmer? I didn't see no ghost. What's this here feller talkin' about? Do you foller him a'tall?"

"Nope. I done got left way back when you was talkin' about that theagrafical thing. I's just tryin' ta stay awake now is all. I's mighty hongry."

"You is always hungry Elmer. Now, what's that ghost thing you was tellin' us about? I got throwed off the truck back there a piece myself. You is got ta' slow up a tad if'n you wants me to keep up with ya'."

"The Holy Ghost is the gift of God given to all those who are baptized into the church. The Spirit isn't something you see, or that you feel. In fact it's perfectly natural for a Christian to be totally unaware that they are in possession of the Holy Spirit. It's nothing you have to concern yourself with. It's a natural process that's in God's hands, not yours. Just be assured that you are eternally saved."

"Mmmm. Ok, if you says so. But this fruit stuff. You says if we has this Spirit that we will do what you showed us here. What if we doesn't do them things? If they is signs that says we is saved, then if we don't do those things, does that show we is un saved?"

"No Mort, you don't understand. You see..."

"That's the first thing you done said I understands. I don't understand. But anyways, look at the words before the ones you done read us. Would you kindly read it 'cause you is a better out-loud talker than me or Elmer is."

"Surely, it says: 'This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.'"

"What you done read there, if I heared you correct you done said the fruit you told about is a sure thing that comes with having the Ghost you talked about. And the Ghost comes with being ready for the Pearly Gates. Is I correct in what I heared?"

"Yes you are Mort. That is precisely what I said."

"Then I takes it the contrary is true too. Ain't that so?"

"The contrary? What do you mean Mort?"

"Well, like these here words what comes after the words you done read. See? Take a gander for y'rself."

"I think you mean these verses. They read: 'But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.'"

"Don't them words you read say a feller who do the things on that page is not goin' ta' get through those Pearly Gates? What if a feller who has been dunked goes ta' doing what is said here? Is you tellin' Elmer an' me we can still get through those gates even if we don't do those fruits and still does the other things you read? How does you fig're that mr Max? It appears ta' me as how you is playin' both sides a' the table with an ace up both arm sleeves"

"Not at all Mort. It's really very simple. You just have to trust in the Bible, and know that God knows what He's doing."

"I trusts in God ok mr Max. but I ain't so sure I trusts in no lawyer feller what shoves one hand a' cards in my face, an' hides the other hand behind his backside. I thanks ya' though for sittin' in with Elmer an' me, even if we ain't had much of a show ta' offer the folks today b'cause of it."

7Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 9And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Gal 6:)

12But these, as natural brute beasts, made to be taken and destroyed, speak evil of the things that they understand not; and shall utterly perish in their own corruption; 13And shall receive the reward of unrighteousness, as they that count it pleasure to riot in the day time. Spots they are and blemishes, sporting themselves with their own deceivings while they feast with you; 14Having eyes full of adultery, and that cannot cease from sin; beguiling unstable souls: an heart they have exercised with covetous practices; cursed children: 15Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness; 16But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man's voice forbad the madness of the prophet. 17These are wells without water, clouds that are carried with a tempest; to whom the mist of darkness is reserved for ever. 18For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through much wantonness, those that were clean escaped from them who live in error. 19While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage. 20For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. 21For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. 22But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire. (2Peter 2:)




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