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Doctrine in dialogue format



Mort 'n Elmer

The Just Talkin' Show

GAS ECONOMY (First Show)

A penny spent can be a dollar saved.

"Hello folks. You're tuned in to the Just Talking show where we tells you like it is and not what you wants to hear. Today we're going to talk about... Uh, just what are we going to talk about Elmer?"

"I don't know Mort. Let's just start out and see where we ends up."

"Mort, did you see that ol' rattletrap bicycle parked in your space? Who done went and did such a thing as that? Looks downright unsightlful it does. 'Course it don't look much worst than that ol' car a' yours. By the way Mort, where is that beat up pile a' junk you usual drives?"

"Left it home Elmer. Gas prices an' all you know."

"Yeah, I knows. An' I gone and done somethin' about it too."

"You did? Like what did you do? I hope you ain't taken out that syphon hose a' yours Elmer. You know what happened last time you done that."

"No Mort, nothin' like that. I....."

"Just a minute Elmer. Before you goes and tells us what you done, it just come to me that we ain't told the folks who we is an' what qualificates we got so's we can put on a show like this one we got here. The folks is goin' to want to know what we knows you know."

"Yeah, I guess so Mort. But what's that qualificates stuff you done said? I don't think I got none a' that. Leastwise if I do my doctor didn't tell me I do if I does."

"No Elmer, qualificates is what a fella' gots that gives him the right to tell folks things they don't know. Like f'r instance, what rights has you got to do what you done did?"

"Well, I guess I gots the same amount a' rights as I have lefts. I mean, I got a right hand, an' a right ear, an' a right...."

"No no Elmer, not that kind a' right. I mean, what does you know that other folks don't know? Like, take me f'r instance. I knows near-on about ever'thing there is to know what's worth knowing. That's my qualificates that gives me the right to tell folks about ever'thing worth talking about. See what I mean Elmer? Now, tell the folks about your qualificates."

"Oh, I see what you mean now Mort. Sure, I get it. My qualificates is that I know nothin' 'bout nothin' to speak of. Is that what you mean Mort?"

"Yeah, but that's not what you is supposed to say. But it does show that you is honest. And that's got to count f'r somethin' I suppose."

"Good, then I can tell you what I done did about the gas prices. I done went and bought me a new car Mort. Yep, that's what I done."

"You bought a car? What's the matter with the car you had before? It weren't that old I don't think."

"Nope, it weren't Mort, but now I get more miles to the gallon a' gas. I saves money this way."

"Do tell. And how much money are you savin' yourself by buyin' this new car a yours?"

"Well, let me fig're it up here. I gets five miles a gallon more than I was with my old car. So that comes to, oh, I'd say about maybe twenty dollars a month or there abouts. That's money in my pocket Mort, money in my pocket."

"Is that so. Well tell me Elmer, how much did you give f'r this new car a' yours? Must a' been a hunk a' change."

"Yeah, I guess it was all right. Yep, it were that."

"An because the car is a new one I suspect you're insurance has gone up."

"Yep, that it has. That it has."

"An' on these newfangled automobiles the repairs is up there with the stars."

"Yep, it's up there all right. No doubts about it."

"An' I knows you ain't got nothin' in the bank, so I s'spect you done financiallized the car."

"Yep, that's what I done did all right. Yup, I did that."

"So tell me Elmer, how much was you payin' on your old car, the one you done got rid of?"

"You mean 'sides insurance? Nothin' I s'pose. Just gas is all. It were paid f'r an' all."

"An' now how much is you paying a month on that there new car a' yours?"

"Hund'erds a dollars Mort, hund'erds a dollars. Right hard t' fig're off hand. But you gots to look at the gas I's savin' Mort. The high prices a gas an' all. I had to do somethin' you know. I couldn't just do nothin' and let the gas prices eat me out a' house an' barn could I?"

"No, I s'pose not Elmer. But you could ought'a done like I done. I cut my gas guzzlin' by half, maybe more. An' it didn't cost me but a few bucks."

"You're joshin' me Mort. Nobody c'n do what you say you done. It's physical impossible. What did you did that saves you all that money?"

"I done went and bought that there bicycle you saw in my space out front."

7For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. 8All these are the beginning of sorrows. (Mat 24:)

21For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be. (Mat 24:)




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