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Doctrine in dialogue format



Mort 'n Elmer

The Just Talkin' Show


Those who know, can't be taught.

"Hello folks. You're tuned in to the Just Talking show where we tells you like it is and not what you wants to hear. Today we're going to talk about... Uh, just what are we going to talk about Elmer?"

"I don't know Mort. Let's just start out and see where we ends up."

"Elmer, I was just thinkin' about you. How's that ol' mule a' yours?"

"I ain't sure I like ta' be thought of with no mule Mort. Why'd I remind you a' my mule?"

"Don't go gettin' huffy on me Elmer. I didn't mean you reminds me of no mule, I means when I see'd you I recollected that mule a' yours."

"Oh, ok then, I reckon. Betsey's still as ornery as ever, that stubborn ol' pile a flesh an' bones. Won't do ne'ry a thing I tells her ta' do. Thinks she's the boss around the place is what she does."

"Sounds to me like she is the boss of your place Elmer. Leastwise she gets whatever she wants without doin' a lick' f'r it."

"She ain't neither the boss Mort. I know good 'n well who rules my house, an' it ain't no mule."

"I reckon you're right Elmer, it's that woman a' yours what rules your roost."

"That's better. No no-account mule ain't goin' ta' rule my place. So Mort, what you got lined up f'r us today? Maybe you gots the Gov'ner to come by like you said you might? Or maybe the Mayor?"

"Me! I thought you was goin' ta' line up somebody to talk at today. I didn't get no one leastwise."

"Looks as how this here show is goin' a' be a mighty boring one Mort, cause all we gots is us ta' talk at, an' neither one a' us knows spit 'bout nothin'."

"I reckon so Elmer. We can always talk about that mule like... like..."

"What's a' matter Mort? Did somethin' rattle up in your brain or somethin'? You gots a strange look on y'r face like a hound dog what's hearkened to a 'coon up a tree."

"Hush Elmer, I thinks I heared somebody outdoors. Let me take a look-see. Yep, there is. HEY, MISTER, YOU GOT TROUBLE WITH THAT THERE CAR A' YOURS? .... WELL, COME ON IN AND WE C'N TALK ABOUT IT! Looks like I might a' wrangled us a speaker f'r today's show Elmer. Got ta' be better than we'uns yakkin' at one another nohow."

"Come on in mister. Have yourself a sit down in that there chair by the squawk-box an' tell us what's troublin' you."

"Troubling me is right. That fool car of mine threw a wheel is what it did. Going lickety split on that oversize cow path you folks call a highway and my wheel went flying across the road like it had a motor of its own. Tom-fool mechanics anyway."

"Mind y'r P's an' Q's mister. We's on the air an' they might be some tender ears tuned in. Don't want nobody's ears ta' go a burning."

"Air? You mean we're on the radio? I thought that broken down thing out front looked kind of like a radio tower. On the radio am I. Well well, won't Martha be surprised."

"No need ta' straighten y'r tie mister, it's radio, not telyvision. You says your wheel comed off your car? That sounds mighty hazardly if I do say so. What you plannin' on doin' about the wheel way out here in the wheat fields?"

"I'm a fool if I know. Only thing I know to do is call that mechanic fellow and tell him to get some lug nuts out here to me. Problem is it's Saturday night and he won't be open til Monday morning. And I'm in a big hurry to get to the city for an important business deal. I don't know what I'm going to do now."

"Well, I'd like ta' help ya' mister, but my car ain't runnin' so I can't take you into town. Wouldn't have no lug bolts there nohow, 'xcept on somebody's old car I reckon."

"I gots an idea mister. You could...."

"I just don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I can leave the car here on the street and hitch a ride into the next town and take a bus into the city. Yeah, that's what I'll do."

"Yeah, I 'suppose you could mister. Then again you might could....."

"Don't conflabberate the man while he's thinkin' Elmer. You might could hitch on to a hay truck or a manure wagon mister. I done that before. Might leave you with a mite of a rank smell, but that's better than missin' out altogether. Here, let me make a call on the party line an' see what I can scare up f'r you."

"Ya' might get Hank ta' come out here with his spreader truck Mort. But I really think..."

"Hush Elmer, I think I hear.... Y'r in luck mister. I hear Hank's rig a rattling this way now. Let me flag him down f'r you. HANK! HEY HANK. HOLD ON THERE A TAD, GOT YOU A CO PILOT.... YEAH.... OK. Hank's game mister. He's got a full load on his manure spreader, but it looks like he's got room f'r you if you don't mind ridin' in the back a' the trailer bed. Better hurry though. Hank ain't one to dawdle none."

"Mort, I really think you oughta' hear my idea...."

"Ok mister. Have a good ride. An' don't worry none about y'r car. We'll keep an eye on it f'r ya."

"I' been thinkin' Mort. Yep, I been thinkin'."

"That was a nice enough feller, don't you think so Elmer? Elmer? You gots a funny peculiar look on your face. You been thinkin' you say? what you been thinkin' about?"

"I been thinking about that old mule a' mine, that's what I been thinking about Mort."

"You're mule? What about Betsey? She ain't nothin' but an ol' swayback no-account mule what never listens to nobody. Why you been thinkin' about her?"

"I been thinkin' 'bout how old Betsey ain't the onlyest one what don't hear too good. That's what I been thinkin'."

"What are you gabbin' about Elmer? You' been actin' peculiarly strange today. If you got somethin' ta' say, say on."

"Well, it's like I was tryin' ta' tell you and that there feller, I gots an idea what coulda' got him ta' town without him havin' ta' straddle no manure pile. But it's too late now I reckon. The feller's near-on out a town by now."

"Elmer, you an' y'r half-baked ideas. You know full-on well that you ain't had a full thought-out idea in your life. Ok then, what might the feller could a' done ta' get his automobile in the road. Go on, spill y'r mule-headed idea and get it over with. We gots a radio show ta' close down."

"We'll, I was a thinkin' the feller could a' taked one lug nut off a each of his good wheels an' bolted back on his wheel. An' 0if'n he don't got no jack nor lug wrench, we gots one in the shed out back. That was my mule-headed idea Mort. But like you done said, I reckon it's not as good a' idea as a slow ride in a honey wagon."

39And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into this world, that they which see not might see; and that they which see might be made blind. 40And some of the Pharisees which were with him heard these words, and said unto him, Are we blind also? 41Jesus said unto them, If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth. (John 9:)

14Having eyes full of adultery, and that cannot cease from sin; beguiling unstable souls: an heart they have exercised with covetous practices; cursed children: 15Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness; 16But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ["mule"] speaking with man's voice forbad the madness of the prophet. (2Peter 2:)




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